Wittysend

After years of avoiding it, I decided to have fun with online dating. 

I will post about date 1 soon. Date 2 took place tonight. It was 90 minutes. 90 minutes of white hot hell.

Background on Guy2 - from midwest as well, cancer doctor, not yummy but not a dud, likes NFL. Sounds real good on paper.

We met at a great wine/food place in midtown west. Upon arrival there is a 1 hour wait. I’m not good without dinner so suggest we grab a slice. Within two minutes of sitting down for pizza Guy2’s telling me how he had a script optioned at Miramax. He has the rights back now and is saving it for when it will be a big hit. OH and it was “the best pitch” the Miramax guy had ever heard.

Should have feigned food poisoning at this point. 

We leave for a great hotel bar right around the corner. While walking there Guy2 says “I really don’t drink” without asking for what he wants — a sober date. Drives me nuts when people are not direct. 

End up hanging at a park outside freezing my nips off & learn the following about Guy2:

* He hates fluorescent lighting.

* Considered med school and residency like being in prison and raped daily (so offended my jaw literally dropped).

* My hair was shorter and blonder than in my picture (still asked me out for date two — more on that below).

* Really liked the buttons on my sweater (no not creepy at all).

* One of his many new side businesses is a hair extension store in Detroit (I know right!).

* He can tell a lot about a person by what day of the week they would take off if they could only work 4 days a week. Seems I’m not “conventional” and I “think different” than most boring people since I chose Monday not Friday.

I could go on but have tortured you enough. Here is where I become a semi-douche, was nicely vague about a date 2 and told him to just text me some time if he’s up for it. 

Barely touched him and need a shower.

That doesn’t stop me in first post below from writing “you’re” when I should have written “your” and I do know the difference.

TheOatmeal.com post “You Email This, I Hate You” (http://tinyurl.com/24fgfo5).

It was the inspiration for my post below. Thanks to a challenge from a friend who happens to be a co-worker @rozzy.

The What is that about Tweet

@dickwad http://bit.ly/mr64twN

- Yes, I know you’re a dickwad because I have no idea why or what I might be linking to. Context is everything.

Group Think

@exhibitA OMG hilarious photo http://twitpic.com/Uram0ron

@exhibitB OMG hilarious photo http://twitpic.com/Uram0ron

@exhibitC OMG hilarious photo http://twitpic.com/Uram0ron

- Um idiots you likely share a lot of followers don’t spam them with the same crap via 3 accounts within minutes of each other.

We R a Feed not a Person

@feed here is a great story just posted

@feed here is yet another great story just posted

@feed if you liked the first 2 you will love this one just posted

@feed here is yet more great stuff just posted - watch for the 15 more in next 5 minutes

- You deserve to immediately be unfollowed by everyone who is dumb enough to still follow you.

Inside Joke Tweet

@douche1 OMG @douche2 is so gross. Can’t believe you ate that dude!

@douche2 OMG right I know can’t believe I did either. You owe me $50.

- Hate to disappoint you but nobody cares what you did or if you get you’re money (even if you post an annoying twitvid of the incident).

Credit Where it Isn’t due 140 

@wannabe Check out this wicked cool stuff we just launched http://someoneelseswork.blogspot.com

- Anyone who works with you or knows someone that works with you will know in about 2.5 seconds that you had nothing to do with said tweeted project. Stop playin’ cause we hatin’.

The Retweeting Retweeter

I’m not even giving examples of this one. You know who you are. I dare you in at least 1 tweet a week to NOT have “via” or “RT” or any @handle that is not your own in a tweet.

- Why wouldn’t I just follow the people you are tweeting? Get something original to say!

#FF Million Tweets

Again you know who you are.

- There are 52 Fridays in a year. Learn to edit and post just one FF list a week.

Begging Tweet

@twitterhandle please follow us at our facebook page link here http://facebooknowsowerock.com

- If we like you, we’ll find you to “like” you stop begging it’s not dignified for dogs or people.

Foursquare Spamnation

Nobody cares where you are unless you are hurt and in need of aid then tweet away your location with SOS.

- There is a reason 4SQ and twitter are not the same company. Learn to selectively share vs. spilling your entire wad. Your LBS tweets remind me of bad first dates.

#Hashtag Addiction

@needy #sports #movies #aplusk #work #school

- People who like what you have to say will find you. Stop hashtagging your tweets into incoherence.